Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
