I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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