Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize