make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
