i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
