I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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