Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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