You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
