so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
