She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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