belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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