apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
