Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
