Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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