I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
