i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize