Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and she was petting her beer can
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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