If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
