chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize