The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
