I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
