Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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