i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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