Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
