Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
