Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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