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He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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