I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
