okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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