I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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