this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
