gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
