I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
