and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
