brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
