May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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