Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
