Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
