I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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