it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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