You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
