so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Everclear isn't food dammit
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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