I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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