I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
