We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
