What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize