He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
