No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
