I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
