Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize