Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
