I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
