you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You were trust falling into bushes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
