Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
