Porn is love you can see.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
birth control should be required to get into college
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize