Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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