I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
