you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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