i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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