Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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