HIV tests are more positive than that guy
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
