I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
