We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
