Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize