Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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