I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
