Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
