Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
