Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
