my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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