i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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