i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
