That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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