my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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