6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
