You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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