Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
