Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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