I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
