he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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