Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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