Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
don't judge my taste in strippers
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
