whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
