Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
