if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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