I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
soo... how was my night?
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