I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my poor anus
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
