she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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