Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
