Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My pussy is not your playground.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
