The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
