I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
