I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
