Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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