you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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