what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sarcasm needs its own font
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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