I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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